Biblical Conundrums
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What three words did Adam use when he introduced himself to Eve,
which read backwards and forwards the same? "Madam, I'm Adam." At what time of day was Adam born? A little before Eve. Why was the first day of Adam's life the longest? Because it had no Eve. How were Adam and Eve prevented from gambling? Their pair o' dice (Paradise) was taken away from them. What stone should have been placed at the gate of Eden after the expulsion? Adamantine (Adam ain't in). Why did Adam bite the apple Eve gave him? Because he had no knife. At what time was Adam married? Upon his wedding Eve. What evidence have we that Adam used sugar? Because he raised Cain. Who was the first man condemned to hard labor for life? Adam. Who was first interested in horse racing? Adam--he was the father of the race. How many apples were eaten in the Garden of Eden? Eve ate, and Adam, too, and the devil won,--eleven in all. What one word will name the common parent of both beasts and man? A-dam. What was the first surgical operation performed without the aid of instruments? The extraction of a rib of Adam to be made into a wife. Why ought Adam to have been perfectly satisfied with his wife? Because she was cut out especially for him. How did Adam and Eve feel when they left the Garden of Eden? Put out. Why were the gates of Eden shut after Adam and Eve went out? To keep the dam(p) air out. What fur did Adam and Eve wear? Bear (bare) skin. Why had Eve no fear of the measles? Because she'd Adam (had 'em). For what was Eve made? For Adam's Express Company. What did Adam first plant in the Garden of Eden? His foot. Who first introduced walking-sticks? Eve gave Adam a little Cain. What kind of cottages did Adam's sons prefer? Cottages with eaves (Eves). Was our mother Eve High or Low Church? Adam thought her Eve-angelical. What did Adam and Eve do when they got out of Eden? Raised Cain. Why was Paradise like a cucumber? Because it had a pair-in (paring). When was the first gambling? When Adam and Eve cast up a Paradise (pair o' dice) for an apple. When did fruit first begin to swear? When the apple damned the first pair. Who was the fastest runner in the world? Adam--he was first in the human race. How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was able (Abel). Why was Cain's murder like the main strength of his leg? Because it was a sin-new. How can a whipping be ordered for a boy in five Old Testament names? Adam, Seth, Eve, Cain, Abel. Why is a printing press like the forbidden fruit? Because from it springs a knowledge of good and evil. What was four weeks old when Cain was born, and is not yet five? The moon. Who first introduced salt pork into the Navy? Noah, when he took Ham into the ark. Why was Noah obliged to stoop on entering the ark? Because, although the ark was high, Noah was a higher ark (Hierarch). In what place did the cock crow so loud that all the world heard him? In the ark. Which animal took most luggage into the ark, and which the least? The elephant, who had his trunk; while the fox and the cock had only a brush and a comb between them. Who was the greatest financier of early times? Noah,--he floated his stock when all the world was in liquidation. Where did Noah strike the first nail in the ark? On the head. What was Noah busy about in the ark? Preserving pairs. Where did Noah keep his bees? In the Archives. How do we know that Noah had beer in the ark? Because the kangaroo went in with hops, and the bear was always _Bruin_. What did the cat say when she looked out of the window of the ark? Is that Ararat? In what order did Noah come from the ark? He came forth. When did Abraham sleep five in a bed? When he slept with his forefathers. Why did Joseph's brethren put him in the pit? They thought that it was a good opening for the young man. Where is the theater mentioned in the Bible? Where Joseph left the family circle and went into the pit. Who had the first free entrance into a theater? Joseph, when he got into the pit for nothing. What person in the Bible died a death that no one else ever died--and a part of whose shroud is on every dining table? Lot's wife. What did Lot do when his wife turned to salt? Got a fresh one. What scene in the life of Moses, the lawgiver, reminds us of a gladiatorial show at Rome? The bulrushes. Why was Moses the wickedest man that ever lived? Because he broke all the Ten Commandments at once. Where are bank checks mentioned in the Bible? Pharaoh got a check on the bank of the Red Sea--crossed by Moses and Co. Why was Pharaoh's daughter like a broker? Because she drew a little prophet from the rushes on the bank. What was Pharaoh's chief objection to Moses? He found him more plague than prophet. How do we know that there was a panic in the early days of Moses? Because there were rushes on the banks of the Nile, and Pharaoh's daughter withdrew a valuable deposit. Why do we assume that Moses wore a wig? Because sometimes he was seen with Aaron (hair on), and sometimes without. If you were to throw a white stone into the Red Sea, what would it become? Wet. Who were the first mathematicians mentioned in the Bible? The Children of Israel, who multiplied upon the face of the earth. What is the difference between the ancient Israelites and modern washstands? The former had hewers of wood and drawers of water; the latter have ewers of water and drawers of wood. Why would it be impossible to starve in the desert of Sahara? Because of the sandwiches (sand which is) there. How did the sandwiches get there? When Ham was sent there with his followers, who were bred (bread) and mustered (mustard), and when Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt, all but-ter (but her) went into the desert. Who was the oldest man that ever lived, yet who died before his father did? Methuselah: his father Enoch did not die, but was translated. If Richard Jones were milking a cow too quickly, what ancient name would that animal mention? Melchisedek (Milk easy, Dick). What man had no father? Joshua, the son of Nun. Who took the first newspapers? Cain took A-Bell's Life, and Joshua countermanded the Sun. Why was the giant Goliath very much astonished when David hit him with a stone? Because such a thing had never entered his head before. How many soft-boiled eggs could the giant Goliath eat upon an empty stomach? One, after which his stomach was not empty. What ancient king was often literally in his contemporaries' mouth? Agag. What is the difference between Solomon and Rothschild? The one was king of the Jews, the other Jew of the kings. Where did the Witch of Endor live--and end-her days? At Endor. Who was hanged for not wearing a wig? Absalom. In what tongue did Balaam's donkey speak? Probably in he-bray-ic. Why would Samson have made an excellent actor? Because he could so easily bring down the house. Why is the glass I drank out of yesterday like Nebuchadnezzar in his debased condition? Because it was my tumbler (might humbler). What is the difference between Nineveh and a donkey-boy? One is in Assyria, the other is an ass-hurryer. Who was the first unfortunate speculator? Jonah, because he got taken in. What did the whale gain in the little transaction between him and Jonah? The whale got all the prophet. Why was the whale which swallowed Jonah like a milkman who has retired on an independence? Because he took a great profit (prophet) out of the water. How did Jonah feel when the whale was going to swallow him? Down in the mouth--as if he was going to blubber. What divine law did the whale obey when he swallowed Jonah? Jonah was a stranger and he took him in. Who was Jonah's tutor? The whale that brought him up. Wherein did the prophet Jonah differ from the modern theologians? Because while he disagreed with the whale, they disagree about him. Why was John the Baptist like a penny? Because he was one cent (sent). Who won the first horse race in the Bible? Herodias' daughter when she got a head of John the Baptist on a charger. When is a policeman like the good Samaritan? When he comes out of some area (Samaria). Which are the two smallest things mentioned in the Scripture? The widow's mite, and the wicked flee. Why is a good wife like the devil? While the husbandman sleepeth, she seweth (soweth) tears (tares). |
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