General Conundrums
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Why is a baby like a sheaf of wheat? Because it is first cradled,
then threshed, and afterward becomes the flower of the family. What is it that is queer about flowers? They shoot before they have pistils. What is the worst thing to catch afire? Nothing. Why is a man who has parted from his bed like one obliged to keep it? He is bedridden. What is the oldest coupler in use? The wedding ring. Why are hot rolls like caterpillars? Because they make the butterfly. What is the difference between a mouse and a young lady? The one harms the cheese, the other charms the "he's." When is a man thinner than a lath? When he is a-shaving. Why is a pretty young lady like a wagon-wheel? Because she is surrounded by felloes (fellows). Of what religious persuasion is the sea? A Quaker--for it has a broad brim. Though I dance at a ball, yet am I nothing at all. A shadow. What is that which, though black itself, enlightens the world? Ink. When is a sailor not a sailor? When he's a-board. What is the difference between a chess-player and an habitual toper? One watches the pawn, the other pawns the watch. Which animal is the heaviest in all creation? A le(a)d horse. What sort of tune do we all enjoy most? For-tune, made up of bank-notes. Why is a spendthrift, with regard to his fortune, like the water in a filter? Because he soon runs through it, and leaves many matters behind to settle. Why is English grammar like gout? Because it's torture (taught yer). Why is an office with no work to do like a good dinner eaten by an invalid? Because it's a sign-o'-cure (sinecure). Why is a shoeblack like an editor? Because he polishes the understandings of his patrons. Why is opening a letter like taking a very queer method of entering a room? Because it is breaking through the sealing (ceiling). Why are persons with short memories like office-holders? Because they are always for-getting everything. What word is it which expresses two things we men all wish to get, one bringing the other, but which if we do get them, the one bringing the other, we are unhappy? Miss-fortune. When is sugar like a pig's tooth? When in a hog's head. Why is a joint company not like a watch? Because it does not go after it is wound up. When may a man be said to be personally involved? When he is wrapped up in himself. What wind should a hungry sailor wish for? One that blows fowl and chops about. Why are bookkeepers like chickens? Because they have to scratch for a living. Why do British soldiers never run away? Because they belong to the standing army. What part of a car resembles a person? The wheel, because it is tired. On which side of a pitcher is the handle? The outside. When may a chair be said to dislike you? When it can't bear you. What is that which divides by uniting and unites by dividing? The scissors. Why are young children like castles in the air? Because their existence is only in-fancy. Why is a proud girl like a music book? She is full of airs. Why are bells the most obedient of inanimate things? Because they make a noise whenever they are told (tolled). Why is the most discontented man the most easily satisfied? Nothing satisfies him. Why are ripe potatoes in the ground like thieves? They ought to be taken up. Why is it unjust to blame cabmen for cheating us? We call them to take us in. Why are weary people like carriage wheels? Because they are tired. Why does a tall man eat less than a short man? Because he makes a little go a long way. |
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