Research Maniacs     Directory  |   Follow  |   Search  

Why does a nobleman's title sometimes become extinct? Because, though the king can make a man appear (a peer), he can't make him apparent (a parent). What gives a cold, cures a cold, and pays the doctor? A draft. What is the worst kind of fare for a man to live on? Warfare. Of what color are the winds and waves in a storm? The winds blew (blue) and the waters rose. How does a ray of light get through a prism? It hews (hues) its way. What would a bear want if he should get into a dry-goods store? Muslin (muzzling). When does English butter become Irish butter? When it is made into little _Pats_. Which is the most ancient of trees? The elder tree. Which are the most seasonable clothes? Pepper and salt. Why are lawyers and doctors safe people by whom to take example? Because they practice their professions. Why is a fiddle like a man who gives money to make up a quarrel? Because it is for a-tone-ment. Why is a good pun like a good cat? Because it requires pause (paws). Why is a Jew's harp like a good dinner? Because it makes a man's mouth water. Why is there a bad audience at the playhouse when the pit is full? Because it is a pitiful house. Why is a fortified town like a pudding? Because it's often batter'd. Why does a tallow chandler live better than another man? Because he lives on the fat of the land. Why is a water lily like a whale? Because it comes to the surface to blow. Why is a resolution like a looking glass? Because it is so easily broken. Why can you never tell real hysterics from sham ones? Because in either case it is a feint (faint). When may ladies who are enjoying themselves be said to look wretched? When at the opera, as then they are in tiers. When is a bonnet not a bonnet? When it becomes a pretty woman. Why is a vine like a soldier? Because it is 'listed, trained, has tendrils, and then shoots. Why is a miserly uncle with whom you have quarreled like a person with a short memory? Because he is ever for-getting, and never for-giving. Why are worn-out clothes like children without parents? Because they are left off'uns (orphans). What is the difference between a milkmaid and a swallow? One skims the milk, the other the water. Why is a very demure young lady like a tugboat? Because she pays no attention to the swells that follow her. What smells most in a chemist's shop? The nose. Who is your greatest friend? Your nose, because it will run for you till it drops. Which travels faster, heat or cold? Heat, because you can easily catch cold. What did the muffin say to the toasting fork? You're too pointed. I am forever, yet was never. Eternity. Which eat more grass, black sheep or white? White, because there are more of them. Why is a very amusing man like a very bad shot? Because he keeps the game alive. What is the height of folly? Spending your last shilling on a purse. In what sort of family does the seventh night of the week come on the sixth? In that sort of family where Saturday is a bath night (is Sabbath night). Why are clouds like coachmen? Because they hold the reins (rains). On what supposition could a pocket handkerchief be used to build a house? If it became-brick (be cambric). Why did the young lady return the dumb waiter? Because it didn't answer. Why is a schoolboy being flogged like your eye? Because he's a pupil under the lash. Why does a blow leave a blue mark? Because blow, when perfect, makes blew. When has a man brown hands? When he's tand-'em driving. Why is the leading horse in a wagon-team like the acceptor of a bill? Because he's the end horse, sir (endorser). Why is a man marrying a second time like _sal volatile_? Because it's re-wiving. When may a lady be absolutely pronounced to be quite past recovery? When she is speechless, and can only chatter with her teeth. Why are ladies' eyes like persons separated by the Atlantic Ocean? Because, although they may correspond, they never meet. What two ages often prove illusory? Mir-age and marri-age. State the difference between a grocer selling a pound of sugar, and an apothecary's boy with a pestle and mortar. One weighs a pound, the other pounds away. Why is gritty coffee like the Subway? It may be considered underground. When can an Irish servant answer two questions at the same time? When she is asked, "What's o'clock, and where's the cold chicken?" if she replies, "Sure, it's ate." Why would an owl be offended at your calling him a pheasant? Because you would be making game of him. Why can a fish never be in the dark? Because of his parraffins (pair o' fins). When is a candle like an ill-conditioned, quarrelsome man? When it is put out before it has had time to flare up and blaze away. Why is love like a candle? Because the longer it burns the less it becomes. What is the difference between a tight boot and an oak tree? One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache. Why does the east wind never blow straight? Because it blows oblique (blows so bleak). What is the difference between a _première danseuse_ and a duck? One goes quick on her beautiful legs, the other goes "quack" on her beautiful eggs. What is the difference between a French pastry-cook and a billsticker? One puffs up paste, the other pastes up puffs. Why is it vulgar to sing and play by yourself? Because it is so-lo. When is a young lady like an acrobat? When she shows her sleight of hand by refusing you. Why is one stall of a two-stall stable like a pretty girl? Because it is seldom let alone. Why is the root of the tongue like a dejected man? Because it is down in the mouth. What part of one's head is fit to eat? An ear o' rye (awry). Why cannot you make a venison pasty of buck venison? Because the pasty must be made of dough (doe). Why ought venison to be only half-cooked? Because what is done, cannot be helped. Why do sailors working in brigs make bad servants? Because it is impossible for a man to serve two mast-ers well. Why are plagiarists like seashore lodging-house keepers with newly married couples? Because they are accustomed to sea-side dears (seize ideas), and to make the most out of them that is possible. What is Majesty deprived of its externals? A jest (M-ajest-y). Why is a cracker like death? Because it is a debt o' natur' (detonator). What is the greatest instance of cannibalism on record? When a rash man ate a rasher. What tree bears the most fruit to market? The axle-tree. How is it that trees can put on new dresses without "opening their trunks"? Because they leave out their summer clothing. What is the difference between a potato and a soldier? One shoots from the eye, the other from the shoulder. What is the difference between a beehive and a diseased potato? None at all; one is a bee-holder (beholder), the other a speck'd tatur (spectator). What is the difference between a piece of honeycomb and a black eye? One is produced by a laboring bee, the other by a belaboring. Why are country girls' cheeks like well-printed cottons? Because they are warranted to wash--and keep color. Why are volunteers like old maids? Because they are always ready, but never wanted. Why would young ladies make good volunteers? Because they are accustomed to bare arms. What is the difference between love and war? One breaks hearts, the other heads. What is the difference between a volunteer and an omelet? The difference is that one is equipped to go forth, the other is egg whipped to go froth. Why is a black man necessarily a conjurer? Because he is a negro-man-sir (necromancer). What is that which every one frequently holds yet rarely touches? His tongue. What is a good way to make money fast? Put it in a safety deposit box. Why is one who uses hair dye like a suicide? Because he dies by his own hand. Why are frames put about tomato plants? To make the tomato ketchup (catch up). Why should wire be used to train string beans? So that they may not be too stringy. Why is a proposal like the first conviction for drunkenness? Because it is a short sentence which generally leads to a long one. What kind of a pen does the plagiarist use? Steel. If an uncle's sister is not your aunt, what relation does she bear to you? Your mother. Of what profession is every child? A player. Why is Troy weight like an unconscientious person? Because it has no scruples. Which is heavier, the half or the full moon? The half, because the full moon is as light again. Why must a fisherman be very wealthy? Because his is all net profit. When is a boat like a heap of snow? When it is a-drift. What 'bus has found room for the greatest number of people? Colum-bus. Why is an alligator the most deceitful of animals? Because he shows an open countenance in the act of taking you in. When may a man be said to be really over head and ears in debt? When he hasn't paid for his wig. What is the difference between the Prince of Wales, an orphan, a bald-headed man, and a gorilla? The first is an heir apparent, the second has ne'er a parent, the third has no hair apparent, and the fourth has a hairy parent. When does a son not take after his father? When his father leaves him nothing to take. Why are poor relations like fits of the gout? Because the oftener they come the longer they stay. Why is the game of Blindman's Buff like sympathy? Because it is a fellow feeling for another. When could you eat a lady's hand? When it is a warm muff in. Just state the difference between an auction and sea-sickness. One is a sale of effects, the other the effects of a sail. Why does a man who has been all his life a woodcutter, never come home to dinner? Because he's not only bred (bread) there, but he's always a chop in (a-choppin') the wood.

More information from Research Maniacs: What is a Conundrum? Riddle Conundrums Sentences with Conundrums